Relief and sadness and more joy

I finally got the results of my amnio back and it was all good news... no Down's Syndrome, no abnormalities... nothing. I didn't realize how much this was stressing me out and hanging over my head until I got the call. I nearly cried in relief. I can now go back to enjoying this pregnancy. I can rejoice in every little movement, change in my body, word of congratulations... everything. That's not to say I would have no joy if it had turned out he had Down's Syndrome... but I know there would have been a period of adjustment and planning - all the extra care and worry that would have gone along with it.

I must admit I feel a bit guilty for letting this past month bother me in light of the tragedy my good friend just experienced. A dear friend of mine was pregnant also...a mere week behind me, but then just a couple weeks ago, she miscarried. 2nd trimester miscarriages are rare and that much harder to take. You see, being about as far along as I was, she had already named him, started talking to him, started getting out the maternity clothes and planning the nursery. Now all that must be put away. I feel like an accident survivor who lost the person sitting next to me. With every little joy or worry, I'm pained at her experience, I feel guilty for still carrying and I feel like I have no right to worry at all over small pains and inconveniences... and then I feel guilty for even thinking about myself at all. Her miscarriage is about her, not about me. I'm just devastated for her and think of her constantly. She's in every prayer. I did just finally get to talk to her the other night, though, and (God love and bless her) she's sounding strong. She has her husband and two children and lots of support and she's managing. The sweet thing even asked about my pregnancy and reassured me that I need not feel bad talking to her about it or being so joyful about it around her. Here she is comforting ME... what a woman.

Speaking of sharing joys... my boy's movements have moved beyond little flutters that my aforementioned friend aptly described as feeling like you swallowed live goldfish to full on kicks and flips. They don't hurt yet... but the feeling is well beyond slight flutters. Today as I sat at work trying to concentrate on mortgage products and rates I was interrupted by very strong movement from him. It felt like he was practicing gymnastics in there. I couldn't help but laugh, the feeling is so strange and wonderful. I'm so used to only feeling him at night that I was caught completely off guard. Perhaps he was too excited by the little 1/2 cup of coffee I drank. Speaking of which... he's starting his flips again. Could be that i'm sitting still or that he likes the Mac & Cheese I just ate. Isn't this a fun ride...